Humility

I've been asked many times about how I could be so confident in the truth of Christianity. People will say, "You just believe that because you were raised in it; if you were raised Muslim, you would be just as hardcore believing in that."

First, I'd like to point out that I find it funny how many people assume that I am a steadfast image of the Christian faith- believing through thick and thin and unwaivering in my faith. Clearly, they don't know me very well.

But I don't think there is any one comment or statement that has bothered me more than this one. After all, it seems so true. Muslims raise Muslims; Christian raise Christians; and God only knows that no one would be Amish if they weren't raised that way. It's even easy to believe about yourself. Would I be Muslim if I was raised that way? Mormon? Jewish? Penecostal?

I was talking to a Mormon who accosted me while at the bus stop one day. I ended up asking him to tell me why he believed it. He mentioned he grew up in the church... well I could have guessed that. But then he said, "I had to make a choice to continue in the church, and it felt right and I knew it was what God wanted." Or something like that...

Me too, I thought. Me too. It seems like everyone gets these feelings from God. But God gives feelings for believing in the different things. So, we can draw conclusions. One, these religious feelings are God given and everyone gets them or 2) Someone just thinks they're doing what's right and they're really mistaken or 3) We all make this up in our minds and create the feelings ourselves.

Bothersome huh? If any question has shaken me to the core of my faith, it's this one. I want to know God... THE GOD... not just something I or someone else is making up. How can we ever be sure if we are such a product of our religious upbringing?

So I prayed about it. Over a long time. And shut down spiritually in some ways because this question bothered me deeply. And just a couple of days ago, the answer came- I don't know why or how, but it came.

We don't make decisions based on what's true. We don't make Theology based on what's true. And we don't pursue God based on what's true. It has never been about what is true and what is right. It's always been about our heart. How we see God has always been about our hearts and less about our minds.

And it is with the deepest of humility that we should seek him. With the smallest amount of pride, we will not see God clearly. I stand firmly on certain things the Bible says. But I want to be at the place in my life that I could believe in Islam if that is what God showed me seeking him. I want to be so open to what God says and so closed to what I want to believe that I am willing to do anything or go anywhere that takes me, no matter what it means. (Don't worry it isn't in Islam). I will always seek his face, and I pray that he take my heart and change it into what he wants it to be, so that my prideful inclinations, preconceptions, and beliefs will be gone. And I will know him better. And who cares what they say.