Update 3

Do you ever feel like you need more time? Or rather, I wish that time would stand still. I'm going to be up all night tomorrow doing homework, and there was nothing I can do about it. I've been struggling a lot lately too with knowing people and knowing God. I wish I had 100 years just to dedicate to the Bible and knowing God. I feel like I'm struggling to find time to decide what to do in life and it's passing me by while I'm doing what I don't want to. In other words, I'm busy, but I don't know if I want to be, and I don't have time to find out if I want to be, because I'm busy. It's endless, and I'm scared of it.

It takes me a long time to get to know people too. I'm slow to open up, slow to learn, and slow to make decisions on who I want to be my friends. There's so many people you can be friends with, and so many who you can spend time with. How do you choose? I mean, I think I could be good friends with about 50 people if I spent as much time with them as I do my closest friends. How should I choose who to spend my time with?

I've come to the conclusion that I want my bestest best friends to push me towards God. If you're going to spend life with me, and if you're going to really love me, you have to push me toward God, because that's who I am (not God, but rather following God is my life).

I've thought about it a lot with marriage too. I want to spend my life with a girl who's life is dedicated to God, so that our life as one flesh is to God. And that's really hard to find. There are a lot of "Christian" girls who have no intention of really doing what God says, nor a soft heart for him. I don't want someone perfect, but simply a girl with a heart that longs for God and a heart that will chase him wherever he leads.

And so I'm waiting, which hopefully will workout ok. (And looking... I'm a guy, I like girls). But if you want to know the secret to my heart, that's it. And I know that God will work everything out for me.

I haven't made a choice at all yet. Simply evaluating the options. And God will lead the way, just like he always does.